DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #80.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Blonde Deputy…
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job."Okay, honey," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right."

Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".

"Today and Tomorrow," she replied.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go on and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her buds were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was overjoyed. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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Hail Damage…
A blonde was driving home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a bad hail storm. The hailstones were the size of golf balls. Her car was dented beyond description.

The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was blonde, the technician decided to have some fun.

He told her to take the car home and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her puffing on the tailpipe.

Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, "What are you doing?"

She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girlfriend said, "Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the windows first!"
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Sven and Ole…
Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the Jewellery Store. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand.

Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks.

Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow And vhen I asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her birthday, Lena said, “Oh, I dun know, dear, yust give me something with vots of diamonds.

"So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks.Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of cards."
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Double Decker Bus…
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Sydney.

The brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is partying having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to get up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says, "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"
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Special Find…
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them.Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
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Puzzle Pieces…
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me, I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?

"The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, ...let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!
GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #73.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Pessimist and a dog…
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
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Hunting with a wife…
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.

The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"

The host said, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."

"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.

"My wife."
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Turn back your car odometer…
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
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Helping a blond lose weight…
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
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History of the Bagpipes…
Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.
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SELF-ACCEPTANCE…
Elizabeth Elliot, in her book Let Me Be a Woman, records the story of Gladys Aylward unable to accept the looks God had given her. Ms. Aylward told how when she was a child she had two great sorrows. One, that while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other, that while her friends were still growing, she had stopped. She was about four feet ten inches tall. But when at last she reached the country to which God had called her to be a missionary, she stood on the wharf in Shanghai and looked around at the people to whom He had called her. "Every single one of them" she said, "had black hair. And every one of them had stopped growing when I did." She was able to look to God and exclaim, "Lord God, You know what You're doing!" - Elizabeth Elliot.
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Religious battle golf…
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
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WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY - A CHEERFUL HEART. #72.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Blonde Cookbook...

Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

Wednesday: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Sunday: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #71.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

NEWS AT TEN…
There was a blonde and a brunette at a bar watching the ten o’clock news, and there was a man at the edge of a cliff about to jump off.

The brunette said, "I bet you fifty dollars that he will jump."

The blonde said, "Ok".

They both put there money on the bar.

The man jumped off, so the brunette took the money and said, "Do you know how I knew he was going to jump?"

The blonde said, "How?"

The brunette said, "I saw the five o’clock news."

The blonde said, "So did I, I just didn't think he would jump again."
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YUPPIE…
A young businessman had just started his own business. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it brilliantly decorated. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working a big deal. He was shouting huge figures and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I'm here to install the phone!"
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SHE WINS…
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!
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LOVE OF THE BIBLE…
A man in Kansas City was severely injured in an explosion. Evangelist Robert L. Sumner tells about him in his book... “The Wonders of the Word of God.” The victim's face was badly disfigured, and he lost his eyesight as well as both hands. He was just a new Christian, and one of his greatest disappointments was that he could no longer read the Bible. Then he heard about a lady in England who read Braille with her lips.

Hoping to do the same, he sent for some books of the Bible in Braille. Much to his dismay, however, he discovered that the nerve endings in his lips had been destroyed by the explosion. One day, as he brought one of the Braille pages to his lips, his tongue happened to touch a few of the raised characters and he could feel them. Like a flash he thought, I can read the Bible using my tongue. At the time Robert Sumner wrote his book, the man had "read" through the entire Bible four times.
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BE CHEERFUL...
A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful!"
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WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!
GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #70.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Top Ten Ways to Tell if Martha Stewart is Stalking Your Dog...

10. There's potpourri hanging from your pooch's collar.

9. The dog's nails have been trimmed with pinking shears.

8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.

7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.

6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.

5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.

4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.

3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of the doghouse.

2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing an apricot colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.

1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.
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Seeing Eye Dog…
A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."
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Medical Checkup…
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely DIE!!!"

"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood.For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week, and satisfy his every whim."

"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

She replied, "He said you're goanna die."
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Glory of God…
J.S. Bach said, "All music should have no other end and aim than the glory of God and the soul's refreshment; where this is not remembered there is no real music but only a devilish hub-bub."

He headed his compositions: "J.J." "Jesus Juva" which means "Jesus help me."He ended them "S.D.G." "Soli Dei gratia" which means "To God alone the praise."
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TEN…
Man walks into the Doctors office. "I have the results of your test and I'm afraid you’re going to die" Says the Doctor.

The Man asks "How long do I have to live?"

"Ten", replies the Doctor.

"What the heck does that mean", the Man asks. "Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks. What?"

The Doctor Replies "Nine.”

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #69.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

DID YOU EVER WONDER…?
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?

Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?

The first guy says,” I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's moving!
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Your breath is so bad... when you talk your teeth duck.
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An Irish guy walks into a store and says, "Open the register!".

The store keep says, "We're closed.

"The Irish guy says, "I'll be back tomorrow"!
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WAITING ROOM…
There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"
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LORDSHIP OF CHRIST…
In 1991 a Gallup poll showed that 78 percent of Americans expect to go to heaven when they die. However, many of them hardly ever pray, read the Bible, or attend church. They admit that they live to please themselves instead of God. I wonder why these people would want to go to heaven.

In an article title, "Are We Ready for Heaven?" Maurice R. Irwin points out that only 34 percent of the American people who call themselves Christians attend church at least once a week. He says, "We sing, 'When all my labors and trials are o'er, and I am safe on that beautiful shore, just to be near the dear Lord I adore will through the ages be glory for me.' However, unless our attitudes toward the Lord and our appreciation of Him change greatly, heaven may be more of a shock than a glory." - Daily Bread.
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BLONDE’S MAILBOX…
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #68.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"
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One day a trucker stopped at a diner for lunch. When he gets his order a biker gang comes in and starts making fun of the trucker. The trucker doesn't do anything. He gets up pays for his meal and leaves.

One of the bikers goes to the man at the cash register and says "not much of a man is he."

"No" said the cashier, "aint much of a driver either, he just backed over twelve of your motorcycles".
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Q : HOW DO YOU GET A ONE ARMED BLONDE OUT OF A TREE ?
A : YOU WAVE AT HER !
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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead they all were running from a cop They ran through a field and found a farm . They went into the barn and found 3 barrels, one was full of dogs one was full of cats and one was full of potatoes and they got in them. The cop came up to the first barrel and hit it and the brunette went ruff, ruff, then he went up to the second barrel and hit it and the red head went meow, meow, then he went up to the third barrel and hit it and the blond said potato, potato.
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One day a blonde girl went to the store and told the guy she wanted that TV over there but the guy said we don’t sell it to blondes. So she went back to her house and died her hair red she went back to the store and told the guy that she wanted that TV over there but the guy said we don’t sell it to blondes. So she went back to her house and died her hair brown went back to the store and told the guy she wanted that TV over there but the guy said we don’t sell it to blondes. So the girl said how do you know I’m a blonde, and then he said because that TV over there that you want is a microwave!!!
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A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"And the man says, "Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."Well, upon hearing this, the doctor was astonished.He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
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FAITH
The African impala can jump to a height of over 10 feet and cover a distance of greater than 30 feet. Yet these magnificent creatures can be kept in an enclosure in any zoo with a 3-foot wall. The animals will not jump if they cannot see where their feet will fall. Faith is the ability to trust what we cannot see, and with faith we are freed from the flimsy enclosures of life that only fear allows to entrap us.
- John Emmons.
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Two guys, Joe & Bill went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.Some hours later, Joe wakes his faithful friend and says, "Bill, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."Bill replies, "I see millions of stars.""What does that tell you?" asked Joe.Bill ponders for a minute, and then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in themorning. Theologically, it's evident theLord is all-powerful and we are small, and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Joe?"Joe is silent for a moment, then says, "Bill, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent"!

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY - CHILLIN OUT!

Having the weekend of, just chillin out!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #67.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Two Jewish gentlemen, long-time friends, happened to meet, and one noticed that the other seemed depressed."What's wrong?" he asked.

"There's terrible trouble in my family, " the first fellow said. "I sent my son to Israel so that he would come home a better Jew and believe it or not, he came home a Christian."

"It's funny that you should mention that," said the second man. "Exactly the same thing happened to me. I sent my son to Israel so that he'd become a better Jew, and he too, came home a Christian.

"They both decided to seek the advice of their rabbi. They went and told their rabbi what had happened in their families."It's funny that you should mention that," said the rabbi, "because exactly the same thing happened in our family. I sent my only son to Israel in hope that he would become a better Jew, and, believe it not, he also came home a Christian."

At that, the three men fell to their knees, and with tears streaming down their faces, addressed God the Father Almighty directly.

When each of them told the Lord their stories, they heard a voice from heaven reply: "It's funny that you should mention that . . ."
-------------
The Brutal Truth…
A man called up a bible believing church and the church secretary answered the call. The man on the other end of the line said, "I'd like to speak to the head hog."
The secretary replied, "That wasn't a very nice thing to say about our beloved minister, Rev. Jones." Again the man replied, "I'd like to speak to the head hog, because I'm going to donate £75,000.00 to the church.
She replied, "Hold on a moment, I think the big fat pig just walked in."
-----------
A Strange Combination…
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?
Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.
------------
The Angry Atheist…
The story is told of the Atheist who accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?"
The preacher has no time to reply.
"Well its a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no great judgement, and no God!" The Atheist continues his assault against the preacher repetitiously and tirelessly. "Eternal life! Eternal life! Ha! "Its all pie in the sky when you die." When I die that's it, the end, no eternal life, no nothing. He continues, until he reaches his climax, "I will be buried six feet under when I die and that's it! Nothing! Caput! When I die I am utterly convinced that that will be the end of me!"
"Well thank God for that" replies the preacher!
--------------
Domestic Problems…
Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cane and Abel when the boys were young.
Cane and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them.
Then they took a long look at where they lived at. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees.
"Daddy? Why don't we live in there instead of out here?" they asked innocently.
Adam said, "Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home."
-------------
Good Sermon…
After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher.
Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons. "Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!"
The pastor was thrilled. "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why."
"Well - it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever!"
------------
ADVICE…
Forget each kindness that you do as soon as you have done it.
Forget the praise that falls to you the moment you have won it.
Forget the slander that you hear before you can repeat it.
Forget each slight, each spite, each sneer, whenever you may meet.
Remember every promise made and keep it to the letter.
Remember those who lend you aid and be a grateful debtor.
Remember all the happiness that comes your way in living.
Forget each worry and distress; be hopeful and forgiving.
Remember good, remember truth, remember heaven is above you.
And you will find, through age and youth, that many will love you.
------------
Christian Science Healing…
A leader in a Christian Science church was talking to a member of his congregation: "And how is your husband today?"
"I'm afraid he's very ill."
"No, no," corrected the leader, "You really shouldn't say that - you should say that he's under the impression that he's very ill.
" The woman nods in agreement, "Yes, I'll remember next time."
A few weeks later the leader saw the woman again. "And how is your husband at the moment?"

"Well", she replied, "he's under the impression that he's dead!"

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #66.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

The Positive Side of Life…

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
--------------
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE READING YOUR BIBLE ENOUGH:

10) The Preacher announces the sermon is from Galatians ... and you check the table of contents.

9) You think Abraham, Isaac & Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60's.

8) You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out.

7) Your favorite Old Testament Patriarch is Hercules.

6) A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in the Psalms of your Bible.

5) You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the Concordance or the Table of Contents.

4) Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?"

3) You think the Minor Prophets worked in the quarries.

2) You keep falling for it every time when Pastor tells you to turn to First Condominium.

And the number one sign you may not be reading your Bible enough:1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."
---------------
One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"

The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts."

The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."

"What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.

"That's where I USED to go to church."
---------------
An alcoholic became a believer, was asked how he could possibly believe all the nonsense in the Bible about miracles. "You don't believe that Jesus changed the water into wine do you?" "I sure do, because in our house Jesus changed the whiskey into furniture." - R. Stedman
--------------
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum."I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."
-------------
A small country church was searching for a new pastor to carry on for their pastor who was retiring.After reviewing several resumes they had narrowed down their choice to a pastor who seemed to be perfect for their tiny congregation.

So they visited the prospective pastor at his current church.That morning he delivered his sermon in just five minutes! The deacons were impressed that he was able to be so quick and precise with the message.

Pleased with this they invited the prospective pastor to preach at their church so the entire congregation could meet him. He preached his "evaluation" sermon in just under twelve minutes! The deacons decided that very day that this was indeed the man that God had chosen for them. Quick, precise, right to the point and right to lunch. The new pastor received a unanimous call.

On his first Sunday at his new church the pastor arrived a little late. He took his place in the pulpit and apologized for his tardiness. At once he commenced his sermon. TWO HOURS later he concluded his sermon.

This concerned the deacons and they called the pastor in to a closed meeting that evening."When we visited you at your previous church you preached for 5 minutes. When you preached for us here as a visiting pastor you preached for 12 minutes. Now that you are our new pastor you preached for TWO HOURS. Why? What is different?"

The pastor considered their question and responded. "When you visited me at my old church I had just had several teeth pulled in preparation to get dentures. My mouth was very sore and 5 minutes was all I could do. When I visited here and preached I had just gotten my new dentures and was trying to adjust to them. 12 minutes was all I could stand. This morning I awoke late. In my rush to get to church I accidentally put in my wifes' dentures instead of my own."

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #65.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

The Positive Side of Life…

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
-----------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."
------------------
Heavenly Messages…

1) The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
2) Under same management for over 2000 years.
3) Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.
4) Soul food served here.
5) You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.
6) Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.
7) Reputation is what people think about you. Character is what people know you are.
8) Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!
9) Come early for a good Back seat.
10) Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
11) No Jesus - no peace, Know Jesus - know peace!
12) Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
----------------
As the elderly man lay dying in his bed, death's agony was suddenly pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.

There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies!Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. The aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.

What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil?He looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she had just used to smack his hand."Stay out of those!" she said, "they're for the funeral."
----------------
MEEKNESS…
A.W. Tozer once wrote, The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather he may be in his moral life as bold as a lion and as strong as Samson; but he has stopped being fooled about himself. He has accepted God's estimate of his own life. He knows he is as weak and helpless as God declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that he is in the sight of God of more importance than angels. In himself, nothing; in God, everything. That is his motto."
----------------
YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF . . .

1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call To Worship is "Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
4. The Preacher says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" - and 5 guys stand up.
5. The restroom is outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of".
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves".
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of it's pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
---------------
WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!
GBYAY

AMAZING GRACE THE MOVIE.

Chillin out today! Jean and I are off to see Amazing Grace, the story of William Wilberforce and John Newton! I will give you a review when we see it!

And for those of you who need their Friday fix of humour, this is just for you!


Be encouraged!
GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #63.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Top 10 Sayings of Mothers in the Bible...

10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been!

9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!

8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!

7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! I told you never to play with fire!

6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!

5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!

4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes!

3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder!

2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!

1. Jesus! Stop working on that old wood and come in and eat! You'd spend your life on that wood, if your father asked ya to!*

--------------
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago."Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake"

------------
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. So they decided to do a small test.

They put a note on the front hall table that they had left. Around the note they put a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father told his wife, "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a pastor, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a no-good drunkard."

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son read the note that they had left.Then he took the ten-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.After that, he took the Bible, flipped through it, and put it under his arm.Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said: "This is worse than I could ever have imagined!""What? asked the wife."Our son is going to be a politician!"
-------------
Three pastors sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one."No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.""You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
-----------
Lordship of Christ…
Jesus, who died for thy sins, is worthy to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing. We can never ascribe too much to Jesus. But He is worthy also to be believed, in preference to Satan, unbelief, the world, or appearances; to be trusted with all, for all, before all; to be loved more than any other, in opposition to any that would rival Him;...to be followed, wherever He may lead us, through evil report or good report; to be preferred to ease, pleasure, wealth, health, to anything and everything.

Jesus is worthy to be our example, our confidant, our king, and our all. He is worthy of all He requires, all we can give, all His people have done for Him or suffered in His cause. - James Smith.
----------
So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm really glad about that.But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.Thank you.In Jesus name. Amen.

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #62.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Women Should Not Have Children After 35 …

This is one of those controversial statements but I fully stand behind it.Women should not have children after 35!

Some say, "Of course women can have children after 35!"

They don't know what they are talking about and I can guarantee they have had very little experience in the matter.

I don't care what the doctor says. I don't care what your friends say. I don't even care what your pastor says.

Women should not have children after 35!

I don't advise it, I vehemently recommend against it, and loudly and even at times rudely tell people "don't even consider it. "You can quote me on this. If you want to say that I said it. And I said it more than once.

"Women should not have children after 35!"

Some will send rude e-mails proclaiming the freedom of the womb but I still stand by what I said. You may disagree with me, that's your right.I still stand firm on the issue. With most things I keep an open mind but not on this issue. If I find an exception to this rule, then I will be open to change but for now, it's firmly closed because I have never seen an exception.

Women should not have children after 35!

35 children are enough!
----------------
When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse, writing something. " What on earth are you doing there ?" he asked.

"Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal.

That's why I'm here and that's why Susie's sitting in the goldfish bowl !"
----------------
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!

Nurse: What is it?

Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
----------------
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
----------------
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
-----------------
Little Jimmy's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"

Little Jimmy's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.

Little Jimmy replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"
-----------------
"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"

"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive."
----------------
Employer: "Please advise me how I may purchase an alarm clock that does not go off on Monday mornings. I have an employee who already has one."
----------------
If you give some managers an inch, they think they're a ruler.
----------------
DOUBLE STANDARDS…
Those things that one cannot improve in himself or in others, he ought to endure patiently, until God arranges things otherwise. Nevertheless when you have such impediments, you ought to pray that God would help you, and that you may bear them kindly. Endeavor to be patient in bearing with the defects of others, whatever they are; for you also have many failings which must be borne by others.

If you cannot make yourself be as you would like to be, how can you expect to have another person be to your liking in every way? We desire to have others perfect, and yet we do not correct our own faults. We would allow others to be severely corrected, and will not be corrected ourselves. We will have others kept under by strict laws, but in no case do we want to be restrained. And so it appears that we seldom weigh our neighbor in the same balance with ourselves. – Thomas a' Kempis.
----------------
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother in-law?"

He said, "Call for backup."

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY – A CHEERFUL HEART #61.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Friday has come and brings to an end another working week. What better way to get into a good frame of mind than to end it with a good laugh…

Top Ten Things People Won't Say When They See the Christian Bumper Sticker or More Subtle Fish Symbol On Your Car...

10. "Look! Let's stop that car and ask those folks how we can become Christians."
9. "Don't worry, Billy, those people are Christians -- they must have a good reason for driving 90 miles an hour."
8. "What a joy to be sharing the highway with another car of Spirit- filled brothers and sisters."
7. "Isn't it wonderful how God blessed that Christian couple with a brand-new BMW?"
6. "Dad, how come people who drive like that don't get thrown in jail?" "Dad, can we get a bumper sticker like that, too?"
5. "Stay clear of those folks, Martha. If they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road!"
4. "Oh, look! That Christian woman is getting a chance to share Jesus with a police officer."
3. "No, that's not garbage coming out of their windows, Bert -- it's probably gospel tracts for the road workers."
2. "Oh, boy, we're in trouble now! We just rear-ended one of God's cars."
1. "Quick, Alice, honk the horn or they won't know that we love Jesus!"
--------------
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long, flowing, white robe with a long, flowing, white beard and long, flowing, white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.George W., struck by the man¹s appearance, approached the man and asked, "Aren't you Moses?"


The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.George W., unaccustomed to being ignored, positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"


The man continued staring at the ceiling.George W. then tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"


The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."


George W. asked him why he ignored him and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert."
-----------------
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.


The first boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is the Star of David."


The second boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm am Catholic and this is the Crucifix."


The third boy got in front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."
-----------------
SOULS…
Amy Carmichael when criticized for her humanitarian work in India, responded, "One cannot save and then pitchfork souls into heaven... Souls are more or less securely fastened to bodies...and as you cannot get the souls out and deal with them separately, you have to take them both together."
----------------
What My Mother Taught Me…

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside- I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me more LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear,in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you 'look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times-Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY! "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD: "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE: "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite.... My Mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids... and I hope they turn out just like you."

WE ARE REMINDED THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS US HEALTHY… IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!


Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a cheerful heart, in Jesus wonderful Name I pray, amen!


HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!


Be encouraged!
GBYAY