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Friday, April 07, 2006

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY - A JOYFUL HEART. #21.


A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

Ah! Another week gone and time to prepare for the weekend! Have a laugh to get it started…

ONE LINERS
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Tough Guy...

... A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every ten minutes." St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that, "Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmmm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next."

"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!'"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen"

"About three minutes ago."
----------------------------
VALUABLE
A story is told of a man who loved old books. He met an acquaintance who had just thrown away a Bible that had been stored in the attic of his ancestral home for generations. "I couldn't read it," the friend explained. "Somebody named Guten-something had printed it." "Not Gutenberg!" the book lover exclaimed in horror. "That Bible was one of the first books ever printed. Why, a copy just sold for over two million dollars!" His friend was unimpressed. "Mine wouldn't have brought a dollar. Some fellow named Martin Luther had scribbled all over it in German."- Our Daily Bread.
-----------------------------

PUNS OF THE WEEK FOR MY FRIEND – BLOGOTIONAL, HE LOVES THEM SO MUCH… THEY KEEP HIM LAUGHING FOR A WEEK!
1. Spelunking can be a most grottofying experience.
2. The car stopped with a jerk, then the jerk got out.
3. I once had insomnia so bad I was awake until it dawned on me.
4. What kind of tree grows on your hand? A palm tree.
5. Two attractive female birds were showing off in front of some males. Both had spent two hours at the hairdresser, but it was the curly bird that got the perm.
6. The flock of doves decided to stage a coo
7. Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?
8. What did the one fly say to the second? Time to send in the swat team.
9. Gravity is studied a lot because it's a very attractive field.
10. Puns are the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.
11. The string went to the dance and had a ball.
12. Small surfers ride micro waves.
13. The dieter was at his width's end.
14. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
15. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
16. A racehorse's life is always on track.
17. Peacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.
18. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
19. The eagles club formed an add hawk committee.
20. You should massage a cow's back before putting it out to posture.

SO ONCE AGAIN LET US REMIND OURSELVES, THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS YOU HEALTHY. IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a joyful heart, in Jesus wonderful name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!
GBYAY

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