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Friday, February 17, 2006

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY - A JOYFUL HEART. #14.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

It is so good to be back after a great time away with Jean, but since we have been back, things have been hectic to say the least, so we are looking forward to the weekend for a rest! :) I thank the Lord for Jean’s healing, it is so good to see her teaching Religious Education again at the local school, and she told me she ran up three flights of stairs! Praise the wonderful Name of Jesus!

Enough about us, let’s get on with cheering you up over the weekend...

ONE LINER’S
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
-----------------------------
A RETIRED PIRATE (For BB at Chez Kneel.)

After many years at sea a pirate decided it was time to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job he thought that he could also collect disability insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye.

The agency assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?"

In a booming voice the pirate replied: "WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME LEG."

"Well that is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand.

In a booming voice the pirate replied: "WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME HAND."

"Well that is certainly work related. How did you lose your eye.

In a booming voice the pirate replied: "WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: I WAS LAYING ON THE DECK ONE BALMY DAY CATCHING SOME RAYS WHEN THIS SEAGULL FLEW BY AND DROPPED HIS DUTY RIGHT IN ME EYE!"

"Well yes, but what does that have to do with the loss of your eye?"

"IT WERE THE FIRST DAY WITH ME HOOK!"
-----------------------
BAR COWBOY
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.


He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
------------------------
ACCOMPLISHMENT
The concert impresario, Sol Hurok, liked to say that Marian Anderson hadn't simply grown great, she'd grown great simply. He says: "A few years ago a reporter interviewed Marian and asked her to name the greatest moment in her life. I was in her dressing room at the time and was curious to hear the answer. I knew she had many big moments to choose from.

There was the night Toscanini told her that hers was the finest voice of the century. There was the private concert she gave at the White House for the Roosevelts and the King and Queen of England. She had received the $10,000 Bok Award as the person who had done the most for her home town, Philadelphia. To top it all, there was that Easter Sunday in Washington when she stood beneath the Lincoln statue and sang for a crowd of 75,000, which included Cabinet members, Supreme Court Justices, and most members of Congress.

Which of those big moments did she choose? "None of them," said Hurok. "Miss Anderson told the reporter that the greatest moment of her life was the day she went home and told her mother she wouldn't have to take in washing anymore." - Alan Loy McGinnis.

PUNS OF THE WEEK FOR MY FRIEND – BLOGOTIONAL, BECAUSE HE MISSED THEM.
1. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
2. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
3. Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.
4. Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient.
5. The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.
6. Goats in France are musical because they have french horns.
7. England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
8. Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.
9. I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
10. In a Scandinavian race the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line.
11. If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.
12. Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.
13. Before the revolution, Russia was in a Tsary state.
14. Did you know that donuts were first made in Greece?
15. There is some Confucion about the oldest religion in China.
16. Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.
17. The pharaohs of Egypt worked out the first pyramid scheme.
18. While in Mexico, the chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way on the Juan Way street.
19. If you Russia round and Ukraine your neck don't Crimea river.
20. People have a happy time vacationing in Ireland because they are walking on Eire.


SO ONCE AGAIN LET US REMIND OURSELVES, THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS YOU HEALTHY. IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a joyful heart, in Jesus wonderful name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT AND GODLY WEEKEND!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

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