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Friday, December 23, 2005

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT FRIDAY - A JOYFUL HEART. #12

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Pro 17:22.

This will be the last Daily encouragement until January 2006! I will still be posting most days, but the content will be different, mostly stories of interest, funny posts, uplifting articles etc;

And what a year it has been! I never thought when I started this blog that it would generate much interest, but it has gone beyond my wildest dreams, and to pick up a Warnie in the process, has absolutely staggered me. But more about that when I celebrate my first Blogversary at the end of January!

I have been blessed out of my socks with all the wonderful people I have met, and in the process, developed great friendships with them. So, in saying all of that, let’s get down to some serious laughing, which will encourage us to have a great weekend!

It was the week before Christmas. Parking spaces were hard to come by. There were long lines, crowded stores, rude people, and grossly inflated prices. In one long checkout line, one man was heard to say, "They should kill the guy who started Christmas." One wise and godly woman in the line said, "They did- they hung Him on a cross." Therein lies the REAL Christmas story. – Source Unknown.

ONE LINERS
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
Remember half the people you know are below average.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
"Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled."
"Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?"
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Bank Etiquette:
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."
So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

BLIND PILOT:
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind.


The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers don't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"
----------------------------------------
FIRST CORINTHIANS 13, CHRISTMAS VERSION
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
Strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
But do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen,
Baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
Preparing gourmet meals
And arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime,
But do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen,
Carol in the nursing home
And give all that I have to charity,
But do not show love to my family,I
t profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
And crocheted snowflakes,
Attend a myriad of holiday parties
And sing in the choir's cantata,
But do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return,
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails.

Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust...
But giving the gift of love will endure.
-Source Unknown.

-----------------------------------
PUNS OF THE WEEK FOR MY FRIEND - BLOGOTIONAL. Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.
Does a coffee shop have the grounds to operate in the black?
When he spilled coffee on her shirt she showed him dis-stain.
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
Is coffee your daily grind?
Selling coffee has its perks for those who have bean so lucky.
Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
The coffee around here is break fluid.
I just had some coffee that was good only for its sedimental value.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
Some people's noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
His girlfriend wanted him to slow down the car, but he put his foot down.
It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!
The headlines nobody likes are wrinkles.
I need to cut my fingernails before they get too out of hand.
Time wounds all heels.
Artificial knees and elbows were developed during a joint project.
------------------------------------

SO ONCE AGAIN LET US REMIND OURSELVES, THAT BEING CHEERFUL KEEPS YOU HEALTHY. IT IS SLOW DEATH TO BE GLOOMY ALL THE TIME!

Loving Father, help me by the power of the Holy Spirit, to remind myself that Jesus died to set me free, help me Lord to live that life, and be determined in Him to have a joyful heart, in Jesus wonderful name I pray, amen!

HAVE A GREAT, GODLY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR!

Be encouraged!

GBYAY

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